Friday, December 24, 2010

This darn running thing...

So, I haven't actually been to the doctor to confirm this, but pretty sure I have a stress fracture or something going on with my foot, which really hampers my marathon training. So, instead I will be laying off the running for several weeks, and opting for getting my cardio via C2 or biking. Of course, I will still be CrossFitting. Speaking of which, Rusty and I did a drop-in workout at CrossFit MiddleTennessee yesterday. Awesome space, super cool dudes running the place, got a great workout in. Rusty did Fran, and I did a WOD from CFE a few days ago: 21-15-9 of pullups, handstand pushups, and front squats (85#). Makes me wish we could join our local affiliate. I really enjoyed the constructive feedback on my form and just generally having several other people there to motivate me along. It really helped amp me up and made me work harder. But, alas, as a stay-at-home mom there are certain expenses I have to forgo (gym membership). Rusty and I have a lot of great CF equipment in our garage, but obviously not anywhere close to what a CF gym would have. Plus, like I said, its a community. I like it. Better than scrapbooking or a mommy group. But, that's just me. Then again, since Eli was born, Rusty has asked me if something ever happens to him, to please make sure I do the following: teach our son how to squat. So, maybe that's just us.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Strong Enough

"I'm not strong enough. What do you do when you're not strong enough?"
"You act like you are."
-The Unit, Season 4, episode 2

Woah...these words hit home today. Funny thing is, I've learned if you act like you are, then you become the way in which you are acting. I've learned this by dealing with losing my dad unexpectedly when I was 20 and my dad was only 47. I always thought I couldn't go on if something happened to my dad. But I did...quite the opposite, I kind of carried my family for a while I think. I've also learned this by being married to a man who serves our country while I stay home with our son. People often say to me "I don't know how you do it", in regards to being married to a soldier. Well, my answer is "What is the alternative?" I am married to one of the best men I've ever known. I knew when I married  him that his job would take him away from me at times. I feel lucky to be married to a good man, and his being gone only makes me appreciate him more. I long for the days (albeit they are years from now) when he can be home indefinitely, but until then I will just keep acting like I am strong...and I will be.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Parenting: A Year In Review, the Hard Stuff

I know there are tons of blogs, websites, etc that celebrate the joys of motherhood. I agree with all that. Being a mom is great, but I feel like there aren't enough resources out there for moms who struggle in certain areas. It's like we're not supposed to talk about it or something. So, this post isn't intended to be negative or complaining, just realistic. Hopefully it helps some other moms with the same feelings.

I am not one of those women who idealized motherhood. I had no lofty ideals about me and and my baby nuzzling together and all being right with the world, no illusions that being a parent is all rainbows and sunshine. I did not think being a mother would complete me. I was content with my life before Elijah. People are are shocked when they ask me, "Could you imagine your life without him?" and I say yes. Not because I don't love my child more than my own life (and I do), but because I was never sure I wanted children. So yes, I had imagined my life without him.

Some people don't understand this line of thinking and that's okay. I am kind of a misfit among moms anyway. In my defense I will say I think this point of view has made me a better mom. I truly appreciate and am thankful for the amazing gift of our son. Because I was already content, already happy with my life, he has just been icing on the cake. But that icing didn't come without lots of hard work.

No one could have truly prepared me for the work that goes into being a mother. Like I said, I knew it was not this Utopian existence once he was born, yet it was all tougher than I imagined. I was committed to doing the absolute best for our son, the best as far as my and Rusty's opinions go. I wanted to have a natural birth, to cloth diaper (more on that in a later post), to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and feed him a Paleo-style diet when he began solids (I got a lot of good info about feeding your baby primal style at Mark's Daily Apple), and (gasp) to be a Stay At Home Mom. Mind you, when we found out we were pregnant I said to Rusty, "I hope you don't expect me to stay home with this kid." hahaha. Obviously my tune changed rather quickly once I saw his sweet face. So far we have accomplished all these things, minus the Paleo. That kind of went out the window after about the 10-month mark when he was introduced to bread...now that's all he wants!

Anyhow, for me the toughest parts were first of all, the recovery. Man, NOBODY could have prepared me for this one. I feel like everyone glossed over this part. Mostly because no one wants to remember it I guess. I think labor paled in comparison to the recovery. Yes, natural child birth was rough, but once you're done that's it. No side effects, so lingering symptoms, no more pain. Nobody could have prepared me for how gross I would feel after I had my baby. I hated looking in the mirror and I for sure didn't want Rusty to see me naked. I didn't feel like myself for months. It's better now, although I still have body image issues (darn stretch marks) and I still pee all over myself if I jump rope or run. Oh well, small price to pay for our sweet boy. Still there are days when I miss my old body.

The second toughest part for me has been the loss of myself. Being a good parent means being absolutely selfless. If you choose to breastfeed exclusively this is especially true. I remember on numerous occasions telling Rusty or my mom, "I'm just a pair of boobs!". I felt like the rocker in Eli's nursery had a permanent mold of my butt in it. In the beginning when you are feeding every 2-3 hrs it seems like there will never be an end to it. It would have been so much easier just to give him formula or start pushing rice cereal down his throat at 2 months so he would sleep longer stretches, but I just didn't feel like that was the best decision for my baby.  I tried to follow the tips from the book On Becoming Babywise. I HIGHLY recommend this book. I stuck to the basic principles of the book, and Eli was sleeping through the night by about 3 months old. As with any book, it's not perfect, but you obviously don't have to subscribe to every suggestion in the book. It just worked really well for us. He continues to be a good napper and a good sleeper with the common exceptions of teething, certain milestones, etc. Now that he is a year old, I have begun the weaning process and it's going fine. I am still feeding him first thing in the morning and before bedtime, but that will probably stop for good at the end of the month when Rusty and I go to NV for a friend's wedding that Rusty is in. Did I mention how excited I am to have a 4-day vaca with my hubby...ALONE!!!! First time away together since Eli was born! Thanks Mom & Rob for watching Elijah!

In addition to nursing, being a stay-at-home Mom has also made me feel isolated. I don't miss my job for one second, but I do miss the social interaction with other adults. On top of that, many of you know that Rusty is gone for work. A LOT. So, my best friend isn't here a majority of the time. My family lives 6 hrs away. My best girl friends are spread out from DC to Nashville to Salt Lake City. I have a wonderful church family with a ton of great women who have helped me tremendously, but there's just not the same closeness there as with some of my other closest friends. And it seems so complicated to try and coordinate playdates, lunches, hangout times, etc with my friends here. Why does everything have to be so planned and organized? I just wanna hang and chat without having it penciled in 2 weeks in advance. I sometimes feel like I am the only SAHM in Columbus that doesn't scrapbook, craft, chair something, or join a Mommy Group. Nothing is wrong with those things, in fact they are great, if you enjoy them. I don't. I tried the Mommy Group thing, but it didn't click for me. I'm with my kid all day, the last thing I want to do if I have "me time" is to spend it talking about kids (again, back to the loss of self). I started working out at home to save money, but I am considering joining back up at the gym just to have some interaction with other women who enjoy the things I do (working out, for example).

I absolutely adore my son. He brings so much joy to my life. He has made my relationship with Rusty even better. He has made my relationship with God better. You know a whole different kind of love with a child. Plus, Eli is just awesome. Most people know I'm not exactly a baby/kid person, but even if Eli wasn't my kid, I would still think he was awesome. He smiles all the time. He is such a ham. He does the "scary face". He does Superman arms every time he sees Grandpa. He shrieks with delight when I chase him around the house. He waves and smiles at strangers in the grocery store, in restaurants, in Target, you name it. He carries balls with him everywhere. He feeds the dogs from his high chair. He bee-bops to music. He would probably sleep in the bathtub if I let him. He loves the vacuum cleaner and tries to talk over it every time I vacuum. He's just a funny kid and I love him to death. So, here I am doing the best I can for my son, but trying to be honest about what the hardest things are about trying to do my best...just a work in progress!

Eli's Scary Face

Friday, December 10, 2010

My Workout Plan

So, here goes my plan for train up for the marathon. I know most people think you have to log tons of miles to train for a marathon, but I have a different idea in mind. As most of you know, I really enjoy CrossFit for my workouts. Rusty and I bought a lot of stuff for our garage last Christmas so we have stuff here to facilitate CF workouts at home. Super nice now that I'm not working because we can save money on gym memberships. Well, CF also has a sister site, CrossFit Endurance. This is the training method I will be using to prep myself for this 26.2 mile race in April. If you are interested in the concepts behind CFE, check out their FAQ section on their website. Essentially it has you doing CrossFit 4-6 times per week, supplementing with Endurance workouts 2-3 times per week (2 interval workouts and one time trail workout). The workouts are also geared toward the race time that you specifically are training for. This is great especially for my situation with a baby and a husband who is gone a lot. Less hours training means more time with Eli, right? So, my goal is to map out my plan at the beginning of each week. I will post my weekly plan here, mainly because if its out there I will be more apt to stick to it, right? So, please, ask me how I'm doing because that will definitely motivate me to make sure I stay on track! This week's plan:

Sun: CF WOD (Workout of the Day), yoga
Mon: CF WOD
Tues: CF WOD, interval run
Wed: Pilates or Yoga
Thurs: CF WOD, interval run
Fri: CF WOD
Sat: Time Trial or Tempo Run

I considered getting more detailed or just posting links to the actual daily workouts I will be doing, so let me know if you would be remotely interested in seeing my workouts broken down further.

Peace Out

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Inaugural Post

Well, I'm doing the thing I said I would never do. Blog. But, let me defend my decision to do this. First of all, I have a love/hate relationship with the social media of Facebook. One the plus side, I enjoy keeping up with friends and family. On the down side, it takes up way too much of my time. It can be like a rabbit hole, you hop on to check one thing and an hour later you are still perusing through other peoples lives. Also, it is impossible to convey tone, thereby making it impossible to jibe with a majority of ones "friends". Friends is a funny word, because 90% of my Facebook friends are people whom I never bother to talk to or keep in touch with in the real world. Lastly, there are times I would like a place to ramble a little more about life, food, working out, mom stuff, religion, etc without inundating those on Facebook, because Lord knows I don't like to read someone else's overpostings.

Another reason I chose to put myself out there in blog format is to give myself an additional level of accountability. My best friend Ellie and I have decided to run our first marathon together in April of 2011. The Music City Marathon in Nashville. YIKES. So, for those of you who don't know, Ellie and I have many states between the two of us, thereby making it difficult to actually train together. This little blog can be a great way for us to keep tabs on our progress. This is something I would like to do on an ongoing basis, not just for the marathon. Finding the time, energy and motivation to stay fit after having a baby can be difficult some days. But, it is something that is really important to me. To be healthy, active and happy about it. I want my son to grow up in a family that values that. I think it is our duty to take good care of these bodies we've been given. But it can be hard with all the junk food and distractions that sidetrack us from our goals.

Of course the blog is also a great way to keep family and friends who want to know what's going on with our little family up to speed with pictures and all. So not to worry, I'm sure there will be plenty of pictures of Eli on here in addition to workout stuff (and whatever else I feel the need to ramble about)!