Testing, Testing

There have been a couple of things recently which have really tested my faith. Although they haven't happened to me directly, they have happened to dear, close friends whom I really love. There are not words in the English language to express the feelings of pain and anguish I have for these people who I love. It's the kind of feeling that only tears can express.

I have always been of the school of thought that life just happens. And that includes bad, tough stuff sometimes. And what's important is our reaction to those bad things that happen. Do we become stronger, or do we let it beat us? I've always had the attitude that your life is not what happens to you, it's how you respond to it. But in the past few months, it's been harder for me to say it and mean it.

Reading the book of Job has made it harder for me in some ways. In the first two chapters God asks Satan to consider His servant Job and how blameless he is. Satan counters by saying it's only because God has protected Job his entire life. Then God gives Satan permission to bring calamity upon him. He loses everything he has, including all his children. Then he is plagued with sores from head to toe. He literally curses the day he was born, but never curses or blames God.

So, there are two ways to look at this. When I first studied this, I focused on the fact that God chose Job to demonstrate how faithful man could be. What an honor to know that God would consider me worthy to demonstrate my love and faithfulness for Him. Can you imagine God saying, "Have you considered my servant, ________?" (fill in your name) Pretty humbling and amazing.

But then bad things happen to my friends, to the people I love. And I am sad and angry. I hurt for them. And although I have not cursed God, I have questioned Him. God, why did you choose my friends to demonstrate how faithful man can be? Why did you give Satan permission to harm them? I know that God's plans are higher and better than ours. I know that in so many ways he can use our trials to help others. But it's just hard for me to think about Him being able to watch some of these terrible things happen, knowing He could have prevented them. But I imagine he felt the same way watching His Son crucified, knowing he was blameless as well.

There's just hard stuff sometimes and there aren't answers. I know my last few posts have been somber, but that's life.